I need to give credit for this BLOG to the website, Voices of the Goddess, and to Claudia-Jean Virga, who appeared there as a guest speaker on a recent VLOG. And as I listened to Claudia share about her life and her roots, particularly about the relationship she had with her mother, I wondered: Why don’t they have VLOGs that specifically speak to the psychological and mental baggage men carry around for much of their lives?
So, then I did some Googling and what little I did find were mostly websites that offered therapy sessions…for a fee. And the few well-crafted videos that could very easily lead viewers into thinking they’d found the answer to their prayers were, in my opinion, just offering behavioral solutions, like finding other guys to play sports with or take a long walk in the country/go to the shoreline and take in the serenity provided by listening to the waves and chilling out. Fine suggestions but hardly energy-changing answers to address the core issues of the shadow beliefs that lay hidden and only exposed for brief moments when someone or something in our outer world triggers us to react in fear.
I did not find one example of any dialogue or sharing for men that equated to what was offered on the Voices of the Goddess, although I found more than one that were dedicated to women. Examples are Earthfeatherhealings.com, and Dream Weavers Network. Don’t get me wrong…each of these offer very valuable guidance and experiential opportunities to achieve spiritual understanding and growth, but they speak more to women than they do to men, and that is in large part because…No, I wasn’t about to quote John Gray (“Women are from Venus; men are from Mars”)…men have been raised differently than women and I’ve found very little that addresses this fact in any meaningful way.
And why might that be, I’m asking myself? I believe it’s because men, by and large, aren’t asking for it. And why is that? Because the very archaic and traditional mindset on how men are supposed to think and act is still held today. By the majority of both men and women. Notice I didn’t include feeling. And why? Because in the minds of most men, the idea of owning or talking about feelings is a sign of weakness. Again, it’s that traditional and archaic way of thinking.
Is this changing for the new generation of men and women under the age of, say 35? Yes, I do believe that. But it all goes back to how we are raised. Those that have experienced being raised in a more progressive manner, allowing children and young adults to make some of their own decisions and to learn about the consequences of poor decisions as well as the rewards of good choices.
Here are some questions I invite all of you to consider, but I especially hope any of you men who are reading this will take the time to entertain them with an as open mind as possible. And perhaps some of you ladies who may wish to better understand how your husband or significant other may feel, or you, yourself, feel you don’t fit the more traditional view of how women are supposed to look and act, can also give thoughtful attention:
- Looking back at how you were raised and then considering the life journey you’ve experienced thus far, can you see how any aspects of how you were raised may have, in truth, restricted you to living your life, based upon what you were taught? Take in a deep breath now and relax into the question before you move on to the next question.
- Now bring to mind some person that you really trust, someone who you’d feel comfortable sharing very personal thoughts, those ones that even you rarely allow to surface into consciousness because when they do, they are too stressful to allow them to remain long enough for you to perhaps give them a moment more of objective and compassionate awareness.
- Was the person who came to mind a woman? Okay, then see if you can think of a man with whom you’d be comfortable sharing an answer to the same question. My hunch is it may be far more challenging to admit to being vulnerable, to admitting to having a softer side to any other man. And why might that be? Fear. As Franklin D. Roosevelt said, in his 1933 inaugural address, “the only thing we have to fear is fear [itself].”
And just what are the root causes of fear continuing to limit my life? Here are just a few that come to mind for me. You may be able to come up with others, but let’s start with these and see if you can relate to them.
- The belief that I’m not equipped to overcome what I fear
- The belief that I’ll be judged or rejected by others if I admit to my fear
- The belief that I don’t deserve anything better
- The belief that if I just pray harder, God will hear me and fix things
- The belief that if I am just more careful about who I get close to and I “keep my cards close to my chest,” I’ll be okay
- The belief that if I act as if everything’s okay, they will be
- The belief in the old adage, “Out of sight, out of mind.”
Did you notice that all these root causes start with a belief? Guess what? Every one of us has the capacity of changing what we’ve come to believe! And specific guidance that addresses each of these is available on our website.