NOTE: If you prefer to hear this blog, rather than read it, then go to the STEVEN SPEAKS page and then click on the audio recording!
Can you recall the last time you stepped into your faith with both feet, prepared to share something quite personal, uncertain of the outcome but having felt Spirit’s nudging to do so, a part of you somehow “knowing” it was a step you needed to take? If you’ve done this, then you know it was a step into a state of vulnerability. Well, I had a very recent occasion to do this and I am so grateful that I did for a number of reasons. And this is what this blog is all about.
I had an occasion to share with a group of individuals my perceptions on what it means to serve God. While my ideas about that have evolved over the years, mostly from “doing” to “being,” I shared that I aspired to be continuously in the present moment, one moment at a time because it is only in that state of consciousness that I have access to my connection with Spirit/God and therefore with that same God consciousness that is within everything and everyone. And in that state, there is no judgment, no rules, no being right or wrong, no separation; there is only Love, compassion, understanding and patience, among a whole host of other virtues that are inherent in us all as spiritual beings. In effect, I aspired to always see the Christ in everyone, to be in my heart space in every moment.
I quickly went on to say that I still can find myself triggered by my perceptions about something or someone and that when that happens I am no longer in the moment, that I am either in the past, triggered into old beliefs that I am not enough or that I’m a failure (in my ability to communicate clearly enough) or that others are judging me badly, or I’ve stepped back into fear about the future (I’ll never measure up!”). Needless to say, I spent a lot of time during the rest of that day and evening questioning how I could’ve shared my truth differently in order to experience a different outcome.
I also stepped back to consider the possibility that I hadn’t failed and I figured if there were any others within the group who saw and heard events as I did, then I’d have that as corroborating support that my intuition was correct and that I’d not imagined it.
And this is where I was faced with having to step into faith and become vulnerable with someone who I clearly trusted within the group. I would have to share my feelings and my perceptions. I’d already done a lot of inner work in moving into a place where I now saw this individual through the eyes of God; I’d released all my faulty judgments and perception allowing me to “see him rightly” without any effort on my part (one of the gifts that come with doing one’s release work). Still, I had to be vulnerable enough to let him see and hear a piece of my inner world, to let the Light shine upon what I was holding onto, what was causing me unrest. And I had to do this without knowing what the outcome would be.
This is where and when I experienced an unexpected gift and the gift came as a result of his response to my question: “Did you see, hear and sense what I did?” And the answer was “No! Not at all!” I had totally misread what happened, what was said. I had to acknowledge that what I believed was my “intuition” at work was really my own shadow beliefs wanting to be right about others and essentially judging them.
My response to hearing this was also a gift because my first comment back to the person was, “Silly me! There I go again.” I was owning another moment of being human and not making a big deal of it. The situation was over. I had no more energy on it or on the other individuals involved. But it all came about because I was willing to be vulnerable.
This certainly isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with the uncertainty of outcome that comes with speaking and standing in my truth, uncertain how it will be received or not by others. In that sense, the path to living one’s life in a way that’s in alignment with our understanding of who we have come here to be seems, at times, to be a narrower path, one less trodden. Yet with it comes a life that is so much richer and more joy-filled than the one that results from what seems on the surface to be the easier, safer pathway: one that doesn’t disturb the soil and doesn’t make waves.
So I end this by inviting you to revisit my opening question because, if you’ve not found your way into your heart with someone or with something you’ve experienced, something that has left you separated from being able to experience what the heart offers, perhaps my sharing will offer you food for thought and a possible guide to finding your own way into more moments of peace.